Some years ago, the famous advice columnist Ann Landers was asked by a reporter, “What is the question that you are asked most frequently by your readers?” Miss Landers answered that it was a very simple question: “What’s the matter with me? Why am I so lonely?”
What causes loneliness? An expert in the field identifies six types of loneliness:
- New situation loneliness: move to a new place, start a new job, join a new school. No real connections; no one by your side.
- Surrounded but lonely: can be surrounded by people we love, but still feel loneliness. In this case, everything around us is familiar; we know the people and places, and just don’t fit in. Thus, loneliness can be an emotional experience unrelated to how alone you are.
- Left behind loneliness: people progress to new chapters, new experiences at different speeds. One feels left behind. Friends can be so busy they can’t spend time with you or you’re not a priority for them anymore.
- Missing presence loneliness: death, break-up or move away; they leave behind a void. (When that one person is missing, that’s all that matters—even having 100’s of others doesn’t do it.)
- Emotional loneliness: no one significant in our lives to share our emotions with. Can have plenty of friends, but depth is missing.
- Romantic loneliness: people crave the company and intimacy of a romantic relationship. Longing for love.
- And a 7th (former Surgeon General): loneliness of isolation, quarantineNow, let’s look at the gospel. A woman comes to draw water at noon. This is unusual in a desert climate; most people come in the cool of the early morning. Plus, many would probably come in groups with neighbors, but this woman comes alone.As the conversation continues, we find that she has had a difficult life, having had a number of relationships which, for whatever reason, have not worked out for her. And she’s still looking, but evidently she hasn’t found a cure for what’s eating at her. She’s thirsting for more.Some years ago, Pope Benedict spoke about the problem of loneliness at a World Youth Day. Addressing a crowd of a half a million in Sydney, Australia, he said, “In so many of our societies, side by side with material prosperity, a spiritual desert is spreading: an interior emptiness, an unnamed fear, a quiet sense of despair.Pope Benedict then suggested what people are thirsting for: love that endures, the opportunity to share our gifts in a meaningful way, a unity based on truth, and a communion that respects the dignity and freedom of the other person.Today’s gospel offers a further perspective. We are made in the image and likeness of God, the Bible tells us. As I’ve said before, that means we are made by God and we are made for God. And so, ultimately, in the end, it is only God that can fill the ache completely, that can satisfy our thirst totally.Let me share a personal experience. As many of you know, a little over a year ago, I was in the hospital with a very serious infection. I came very close to dying. The doctors were experts in their field. The nurses were highly competent and compassionate. Members of my family, Fr. Goni and Deacon Joe, along with some friends, visited me. But, ultimately, if I was going to die, or if I was going to struggle to live, no one, no matter how close to me, could do that for me. And in the end the only relationship that truly mattered was my relationship with God. And I found that, because God is loving and merciful, I was not afraid to die, if that was what would happen. It was God who held my life in the palm of his hands. So, whether I lived or died, I was in good company. It was God alone who gave my life meaning at that moment. It was God alone who could reassure me and banish fear.This, I believe, is the gift Jesus gave the woman at the well. She had a thirst that had not been quenched before. She ached for a sense of love and belonging, and having her dignity restored and respected. And as the encounter went deeper and deeper, and more of her past was revealed, Jesus never rejected her or stopped loving her. It was how Jesus accepted her, how he looked at her, how he made her realize at a very lonely point in her life that, at the core of her existence, her name was carved on the palm of God’s hands.I began our reflection with Ann Landers, who had identified loneliness as the most frequent topic about which people wanted advice. What did she advise? Her answer was simple: Get involved! Do something good for other people. Notice what the Samaritan woman does after her encounter with Jesus. She is so excited, that she shares the good news of what has happened to her. And that leads her neighbors to come to Jesus and to discover for themselves that he is the Savior of the world. Thus, as the woman experienced love, forgiveness and acceptance, she was also restored to the community of those with whom she lived.So, if you are lonely, for whatever reason, if you are thirsty for meaning, aching for a sense of belonging, go to Jesus, the one who knows better than anyone what you need. Especially if you have tried other ways of filling the emptiness, and still come up empty, go to Jesus. Be honest. He already knows everything about you, everything you have ever done. Experience his love and forgiveness, be healed, be filled with his presence, be restored to communion—with God and with others. And then get involved. Think of someone in need of love and do something about it! It’s the best cure for loneliness.Let me end with the words of a song our choir does so beautifully—“Come to the Water”:O let all who thirst
Let them come to the water
And let all who have nothing
Let them come to the Lord:
Without money, without price
Why should you pay the price
Except for the Lord?
And let all who seek
Let them come to the water
And let all who have nothing
Let them come to the Lord:
Without money, without strife
Why should you spend your life
Except for the Lord?
And let all who toil
Let them come to the water
And let all who are weary
Let them come to the Lord:
All who labor, without rest
How can your soul find rest
Except for the Lord?