Some years ago, the famous advice columnist Ann Landers was asked by a reporter, “What is the question that you are asked most frequently by your readers?” Miss Landers answered that it was a very simple question: “What’s the matter with me? Why am I so lonely?”
What causes loneliness? An expert in the field identifies six types of loneliness:
- New situation loneliness: move to a new place, start a new job, join a new school. No real connections; no one by your side.
- Surrounded but lonely: can be surrounded by people we love, but still feel loneliness. In this case, everything around us is familiar; we know the people and places, and just don’t fit in. Thus, loneliness can be an emotional experience unrelated to how alone you are.
- Left behind loneliness: people progress to new chapters, new experiences at different speeds. One feels left behind. Friends can be so busy they can’t spend time with you or you’re not a priority for them anymore.
- Missing presence loneliness: death, break-up or move away; they leave behind a void. (When that one person is missing, that’s all that matters—even having 100’s of others doesn’t do it.)
- Emotional loneliness: no one significant in our lives to share our emotions with. Can have plenty of friends, but depth is missing.
- Romantic loneliness: people crave the company and intimacy of a romantic relationship. Longing for love.
- And a 7 th
(former Surgeon General): loneliness of isolation, quarantineNow, let’s look at the gospel. A woman comes to draw water at noon. This is unusual in a desert climate; most people come in the cool of the early morning. Plus, many would probably come in groups with neighbors, but this woman comes alone.As the conversation continues, we find that she has had a difficult life, having had a number of relationships which, for whatever reason, have not worked out for her. And she’s still looking, but evidently she hasn’t found a cure for what’s eating at her. She’s thirsting for more.Some years ago, Pope Benedict spoke about the problem of loneliness at a World Youth Day. Addressing a crowd of a half a million in Sydney, Australia, he said, “In so many of our societies, side by side with material prosperity, a spiritual desert is spreading: an interior emptiness, an unnamed fear, a quiet sense of despair.Pope Benedict then suggested what people are thirsting for: love that endures, the opportunity to share our gifts in a meaningful way, a unity based on truth, and a communion that respects the dignity and freedom of the other person.Today’s gospel offers a further perspective. We are made in the image and likeness of God, the Bible tells us. As I’ve said before, that means we are made by God and we are made for God. And so, ultimately, in the end, it is only God that can fill the ache completely, that can satisfy our thirst totally.Let me share a personal experience. As many of you know, a little over a year ago, I was in the hospital with a very serious infection. I came very close to dying. The doctors were experts in their field. The nurses were highly competent and compassionate. Members of my family, Fr. Goni and Deacon Joe, along with some friends, visited me. But, ultimately, if I was going to die, or if I was going to struggle to live, no one, no matter how close to me, could do that for me. And in the end the only relationship that truly mattered was my relationship with God. And I found that, because God is loving and merciful, I was not afraid to die, if that was what would happen. It was God who held my life in the palm of his hands. So, whether I lived or died, I was in good company. It was God alone who gave my life meaning at that moment. It was God alone who could reassure me and banish fear.This, I believe, is the gift Jesus gave the woman at the well. She had a thirst that had not been quenched before. She ached for a sense of love and belonging, and having her dignity restored and respected. And as the encounter went deeper and deeper, and more of her past was revealed, Jesus never rejected her or stopped loving her. It was how Jesus accepted her, how he looked at her, how he made her realize at a very lonely point in her life that, at the core of her existence, her name was carved on the palm of God’s hands.I began our reflection with Ann Landers, who had identified loneliness as the most frequent topic about which people wanted advice. What did she advise? Her answer was simple: Get involved! Do something good for other people. Notice what the Samaritan woman does after her encounter with Jesus. She is so excited, that she shares the good news of what has happened to her. And that leads her neighbors to come to Jesus and to discover for themselves that he is the Savior of the world. Thus, as the woman experienced love, forgiveness and acceptance, she was also restored to the community of those with whom she lived.So, if you are lonely, for whatever reason, if you are thirsty for meaning, aching for a sense of belonging, go to Jesus, the one who knows better than anyone what you need. Especially if you have tried other ways of filling the emptiness, and still come up empty, go to Jesus. Be honest. He already knows everything about you, everything you have ever done. Experience his love and forgiveness, be healed, be filled with his presence, be restored to communion—with God and with others. And then get involved. Think of someone in need of love and do something about it! It’s the best cure for loneliness.Let me end with the words of a song our choir does so beautifully—“Come to the Water”:O let all who thirst
Let them come to the water
And let all who have nothing
Let them come to the Lord:
Without money, without price
Why should you pay the price
Except for the Lord?
And let all who seek
Let them come to the water
And let all who have nothing
Let them come to the Lord:
Without money, without strife
Why should you spend your life
Except for the Lord?
And let all who toil
Let them come to the water
And let all who are weary
Let them come to the Lord:
All who labor, without rest
How can your soul find rest
Except for the Lord?
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Father's Homilies
How Far Do You Want to Go?
Prairie Chickens and Eagles Homily for the Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe November 23, 2025 An American Indian tells about a brave who found an eagle’s egg and put it into the nest of a prairie chicken. The eaglet hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them. All its life the changeling eagle, thinking it was a prairie chicken, did what the other prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds and insects to eat. It clucked and cackled. And it flew in a brief thrashing of wings and flurry of feathers no more than a few feet off the ground. After all, that’s how prairie chickens were supposed to fly. Years passed, and the changeling grew very old. One day it saw a magnificent bird soaring far above in the cloudless sky. Hanging with graceful majesty on the powerful wind currents, it soared with scarcely a beat of its strong golden wings. “What a beautiful bird!” said the changeling eagle to its neighbor. “What is it?” “That’s an eagle—the chief of the birds,” the neighbor clucked. “But don’t give it a second thought. You could never be like him.” So, the changeling eagle never gave it another thought. And it died thinking it was a prairie chicken. Today, we are celebrating the fact that Jesus Christ is the King of all God’s creation. And yet, it is strange that the gospel passage chosen for this feast is the scene of Jesus’ crucifixion. Notice how weak he is. Consider how he is laughed at and made fun of. “He saved others, let him save himself if he is the chosen one, the Christ of God….If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself.” So, the problem is one of expectations. The bystanders were looking for an eagle, and all they saw before them was a prairie chicken! And yet, at the end of the gospel, this prairie chicken seems to have some power that prairie chickens don’t normally have. When Jesus is asked by the thief being crucified with him, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom,” Jesus replies, “Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Hardly a promise that could be made by a prairie chicken! What’s going on here? I’d like to refer us to a passage we find in the writings of St. Paul, a section of his letter to the Philippians that is the second reading on Palm Sunday, when we reflect on the crucifixion of Jesus. Here it is: “Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Jesus taught the way of humility and service. He came to raise others up, especially those who were bowed down by poverty or prejudice. He taught that there was no greater love than to lay down one’s life for the love of others. Greatness is found not in building oneself up at the expense of others, but in building up others, especially those who need it the most. So, Jesus emptied himself, to the point of looking like a prairie chicken, and in doing so he showed us the way to the eternal kingdom by means of humble service, that we might become who we truly are, eagles destined to soar beyond the clouds.
Too Stubborn to Quit. Homily for the Thirty-Third Sunday in Ordinary Time November 16, 2025 The California coast was blanketed in fog July 4, 1952. Twenty-one miles to the west, on Catalina Island, Florence Chadwick, a 34-year-old-long-distance-swimmer, waded in to the water and began swimming toward the California coast. She had already conquered the English Channel, swimming in both directions. Now she was determined to be the first woman to swim the Catalina Channel. As the hours ticked off, Chadwick fought bone-chilling cold, dense fog, and sharks. Several times, sharks had to be driven off by rifles. Fatigue never set in, but the icy water numbed her to the point of exhaustion. Straining to make out the shore through her swimmer’s goggles, she could see only a dense fog. She knew she could not go any farther. Although not a quitter, Chadwick shouted to her trainer and her mother in the boat and asked to be taken out of the water. They urged her not to give up, but when she looked toward the California coast, all she could see was thick fog. So after fifteen hours and fifty-five minutes of fighting the elements, she was hauled from the channel into the boat. Frozen to the bone and her spirit defeated, Chadwick was devastated when she discovered she was only a half-mile from the coast! She felt the shock of failure…. Two months later, Chadwick swam that same channel, and again fog clouded her vision, but this time she swam with her faith intact—that somewhere behind that fog was land. This time she succeeded. Not only was she the first woman to swim the Catalina Channel, but she beat the men’s record by two hours. A line from this story that struck me was: “this time she swam with her faith intact.” Florence Chadwick was able to persevere to her goal because she believed she could do it. In today’s gospel passage, Jesus speaks about the challenges and threats that will be faced by the first disciples when they go out into the world and start proclaiming the message. He doesn’t mince words or paint a rosy picture. Tough times of suffering will come. But then he adds, “By your perseverance you will secure your lives.” In reflecting on this teaching, I was reminded of another Bible story. The disciples are in a boat crossing a lake. Jesus had stayed behind to spend some time in prayer. Then, late at night, he comes toward them, walking on the water. The disciples are frightened, thinking they’re seeing a ghost. Jesus tries to reassure them, when Simon Peter yells, “Lord, if it is really you, command that I walk on the water toward you.” Jesus invites him to do so, and Peter steps out of the boat and actually walks on the water toward Jesus. But then, he looks down and notices the threatening situation he is in. And he begins to sink. Jesus has to fish him out of the water and get him back into the boat (Cf. Matthew 14:22-33). What makes the difference? As long as Peter keeps his eyes on Jesus, he can do the seemingly impossible. When he focuses on the threat, he sinks. We find something similar in the writings of St. Paul. In his first letter to the Corinthians, he writes, “You know that while all the runners in the stadium take part in the race, the award goes to one man. In that case, run so as to win! Athletes deny themselves all sorts of things. They do this to win a crown of leaves that withers, but we a crown that is imperishable. I do not run like a man who loses sight of the finish line…” (1 Cor 9:24-26). So, when we have to face difficulties, when we live in hard times, when we feel left out or let down, how are we supposed to keep going? Florence Chadwick failed when she couldn’t see the finish line. When she found faith withing herself again, she was able to go back and reach her goal. Peter was even able to walk on water, but only as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus. And Paul writes that he has been able to keep going, even while facing all sorts of hardships, because he has never lost sight of the goal. When facing challenges, a stubborn faith is required; perseverance is needed. It’s very easy to give up, to call it quits, to feel that there’s no way to face all the problems that pile up. We don’t have to face life’s challenges alone. Jesus is with us. And he asks us to be there for each other. He asks us to persevere, to have faith, to be too stubborn to quit.
