The Church’s Teaching on Marriage and Divorce.

One of my all-time favorite stories comes from a city in Germany named Weinsberg. Overlooking the city, perched atop a hill, stands an ancient fortress. The townspeople of Weinsberg are proud to tell about an interesting legend concerning the fortress.

 

According to the legend, in the 15th century, in the days of chivalry and honor, enemy troops laid siege to the fortress and sealed all the townsfolk inside. The enemy commander sent word up to the fortress announcing that he would allow the women and children to leave and go free before he launched a devastating attack.

 

After some negotiations, the enemy commander also agreed, on his word of honor, to let each woman take with her the most valuable, personal treasure she possessed, provided she could carry it out herself.

 

You can imagine the enemy commander’s consternation and surprise when the women began marching out of the fortress…each one carrying her husband on her back.

 

Today’s readings take us into a consideration of the biblical teaching on marriage. Of course, these passages were written in a patriarchal society, and so, the man is given first place. But commentators on the book of Genesis note that in the creation account, the bone taken from the man to be formed into a woman was not from the head or the foot—suggesting domination or enslavement. Rather, it was from a rib, which came closest to the man’s heart, that established the basis for mutual sharing of life.

 

What I like about the Weinsberg story is that it is the women who carry the husbands out. Isn’t it true that, often, it is the woman who takes the lead in the art of making a marriage work? It seems to me that, more often than not, men can be clueless, and it takes a woman, who tends to be better at relationships, to make things work out.

 

Now, I don’t want to be labeled a sexist or…well, to tell the truth, I don’t want to be labeled anything at all. But as we consider the biblical teaching on marriage, it is noteworthy that God builds into human nature the need for equality, sharing life’s work, building a home, having children, nurturing and providing for their needs, and making love the foundation for everything.

 

Of course, that’s the ideal. And Jesus stresses that it today’s gospel. God intended people to be happy, and to have relationships that work out. How could a loving God desire anything different? We all know how painful the breakup of relationships can be for everyone involved. And so, following the lead of the Bible, we hold marriage to be sacred, noble, a beautiful gift.

 

In practice, of course, things don’t always work out. We are all weak and imperfect human beings. One or another ingredient required for a true, lasting, until death do you part, marriage just isn’t there. Sometimes, staying together even becomes dangerous and life-threatening.

 

That’s why in recent years the Church has come to accept annulments. Based on the findings of psychology, we now know that it takes a lot more than just an “I do” or the signing of a contract to create a strong, life-long bond. And so, there’s a kind of delicate balance: on the one hand, upholding the ideal of the permanence and sanctity of marriage, for the good of the spouses, the family and the society—and on the other hand, also acknowledging that often a key element was missing, a necessary ingredient was absent, and a lasting bond couldn’t be created and maintained.

 

One of the key statements of today’s readings is found in today’s first reading from Genesis. God realized that it was not good for a person to be alone, to live in isolation. Whether in marriage, in family, or in friendship, we need other people to thrive, to escape loneliness, to be healthy human beings. “It’s not good to be alone” is thus an invitation from our God. We have the power, do we not, to be there for others, especially when they are all alone, or confused, or defenseless, or aged, or new in town. We have the power to keep others from being alone! It’s the human thing to do, to reach out and help. All the more, it’s the responsibility of the Church to continue to do what Jesus did: to welcome people, to build bridges, to make people feel loved, respected and wanted, to build a community in which we are less alone, less vulnerable, less poor, less loved. We have the power to keep others from being alone! Are we using that power? Or are there people in our community suffering from neglect?

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